I’ve always wanted to be confident, but I’ve never known how. I’ve tried the “fake it ’til you make it” method for decades, but every time I’ve attempted to reinvent myself or act confident I’ve failed. I’ve finally found the secret.
My entire life I have looked up to people that I admired in my life or celebrities and I’ve thought, “I want to be just like them.”
Growing up it was my Aunt Juli. She was glamorous, flashy, and commanded a room from the moment she walked in. Plus, she’s the sweetest, most generous person you will ever meet. I would constantly think “I want to be just like Aunt Juli someday.”
When I entered my teenage years I was a big fan of the 90’s hit movie “Clueless” with Alicia Silverstone. I tried to copy all of the clothing from the movie, attempted to talk like the main character, and I was positive if I could just make the cheer squad I would become popular and instantly confident. Surprise, surprise, it didn’t work!
I’ve done this time and time again throughout adulthood. I’d find someone I admired and I’d try to mimic their strengths. Inside was a lost little girl, full of insecurity, who had no idea who she was. It affected every facet of my life. My ability to have a successful relationship, my ability to make friends, my ability to reach my full potential in my career.
Then it hit me. I had to stop mimicking other people, stop getting caught up in admiration, and start truly being myself. I was never going to be naturally funny or on top of all the latest trends, but I knew how to be vulnerable, I knew how to be relatable, and I started to recognize that these are valuable characteristics that I can feel confident about.
Bit by bit I’m learning to embrace all of my “quirks.” I’m clumsy, a horrible driver, my timing with conversations is not the best, but I’m a good cook, a loyal friend, and I value my honesty. I’ve spent far too much time focusing on what I am not good at instead of my strengths.
There will always be characteristics of other people that we admire, but when you recognize and value all that you bring to the table in your own unique way, that is when your confidence truly starts to grow.
