I have always struggled with change. Learning to manage my anxiety around the uncomfortable process makes a big difference in learning how to process the unknown.
Divorce, job loss, moving, are all big moments in a persons’ life that conjure up a lot of change and often a lot of anxiety.
In the past four years, I have gone through all three of these events and this is what I have learned along the way.
- Cling on to anything that remains normal in your life. If you are going through a divorce, but work looks the same, let your brain thrive and enjoy the normalcy. Likewise, if you have to switch jobs but your home life has maintained some routine, cling to the little things. Eating dinner with your family, watching your favorite shows together, or even sticking to your bedtime routine can make a big difference.
- Expect and allow yourself to go through the grief process. So many times we try to bury our emotions. It’s okay and normal to cry, feel anger, denial, fear, sadness, and to have anxiety over change. Change is hard. Stifling your emotions won’t help you move forward in the long run. Be open to those around you about how you are feeling, but be careful in choosing people who you know can support you emotionally. People who have a hard time showing empathy for others emotions or people who want you to quickly “get over it” are not the people you should turn to during times of change.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. I am sick and tired of the shame surrounding mental health care. In fact, I think everybody should have a therapist to some degree. I see my therapist once a month for a mental check-up unless something big arises in my life and I need more care. There is also no shame in talking to your doctor about possible anti-anxiety medication or anti-depressants to get you through difficult times.
- Let the Little Things Go. Especially when you encounter sudden change, you are going to be in survival mode for a while. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do all the things you normally do. It’s okay if the house is a little messier or you get take-out more often. Your mental health during this time should come before everything else. Be easy on yourself. If you have kids, try to maintain connecting with them, but talk to them about what you are going through at an age-appropriate level. Especially if they are 10 or older, it’s okay to ask for some leniency and patience.
- Make sleep a top priority. Trust me, you will probably have a very hard time sleeping, but do everything you can to get rest. I have found that during times of stress my body and mind need even more sleep than normal because of the mental exhaustion I am going through.
The truth is, change is inevitable. Some of us have to face it much more than others. Learning to process it and then slowly adjusting to a new normal has helped me tremendously when faced with change. In the end, don’t forget to allow happiness back into your life. Learn to adjust your sails and ultimately these challenging times of change have helped me gain the most joy out of the little things in life.
