The first time someone told me to “get over it” was when I lost my high school boyfriend. It may sound silly to most, the romance was brief, but to me it was real. It was the first time I had ever felt important or good enough in my life. That was until he broke up with me, and in the blink of an eye, I seemingly lost my value and more importantly, I lost my friend.
It was my first taste of what death must feel like. I had never lost someone that was present in my everyday life before. All of a sudden, this person that had become my world was gone. I couldn’t call him without coming across as crazy, I couldn’t see him, and everyone around me just wanted me to bury my heartache. I had several friends pull away from me because they didn’t want to deal with me “not getting over it” and rightfully so. People don’t like to be around chronic depression. I don’t like to be around it either, which is in part why we have to learn to move FORWARD.
I know people “get over” teenage break-ups all the time, but for me telling my heart to stop hurting was no easy task. I didn’t like people telling me it wasn’t real or that my 17-year-old self was too young for love. Plus, my intense heartache was the culmination of so many experiences in my life that had left me feeling not worthy and because my self-esteem was so low I had put all of my self-worth into the opinions of other people, especially the opinions of this young man.
My heartbreak got to the point that I had to seek professional counsel and even my therapist wanted me to “get over it.” She told me to go home and burn anything that reminded me of him. The problem was I didn’t want to forget the way that love had made me feel or the joy it brought into my life at a time when I had felt very alone in the world.
Since then I have learned that I don’t need to “get over” anything but I do need to get through it. Some things in this life we have zero control over. Nothing I did was going to bring this person back into my life or make him fall in love with me. I feel the same way about my marriage or anything else that has left a mark forever on my soul. I don’t want to forget it or discount it in my life, but I do need to move forward in order to find happiness again.
What I have found to be the key piece in moving FORWARD is recognizing the value in what I had and realizing how our past connects with our future. We only have what we have now because of our past and for that very reason, we need to pay honor to the footprints that have been left on our hearts. The people who have impacted our lives, all of the experiences we have had have molded us into the individuals we are today.
I haven’t necessarily “gotten over” anything in my life, but I have gotten through some very tough things, some much tougher than that first heartbreak. Giving all of the people and all of the experiences in my life respect has left my heart in a much better place than when I would try to just shut those emotions down.
If you are struggling with moving on, tell your heart right now that you don’t have to. Instead, move FORWARD with all of those little treasures tucked inside your heart and let their presence help you create the very best version of yourself.
