I’m naturally a jealous person. Is that bad to admit? I have a hard time not feeling like the grass is greener on the other side. I never feel good enough. I always want more. Jealousy has continuously led to unhappiness in my life and I’m ready to make peace with what I do have instead of what I do not.
The first time I remember really feeling jealousy was when I was in the 8th grade. I had a crush on a boy and he liked my best friend instead of me. I was left thinking, “what does she have that I don’t?” “Is she prettier than me?” “more fun?”
Jealousy slowly crept into every aspect of my life. I was jealous of my cousin’s lavish lifestyle, jealous of my sister’s ability to make friends, jealous of my college roommates’ bra size. I was never content in what I had. Instead of assessing what I could control and what I could not, I often wallowed in the “life is not fair” pity party.
This jealousy stole joy from my life for many years. After my divorce, I despised looking at social media. Perfect families, perfect homes, vacations.
When my ex-husband got a girlfriend I was jealous of her looks and her adventurous spirit. Jealousy was stealing all of the happiness out of my life and I completely justified my feelings.
It wasn’t until I realized how unfair I was being to myself that I started shifting my view. Divorce and poverty have a funny way of making you feel terribly sorry for yourself and extremely grateful at the same time.
In my struggles, I started to find a sense of gratitude that I never had before. Holidays stopped being about having the best decorations on the block. Instead, I relished in every moment I got with my children. In very poor times I would find myself crawling in my warm bed and finding extreme gratitude for a place to rest and roof over my head.
The truth is life is not fair. Hard work does not always lead to riches. Riches don’t always lead to happiness. People will hurt you. People you trust will leave you. Often times our attitude and sheer determination to move forward are the only elements that will carry us through.
The trendy saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” is completely true. I’m trying to do a lot more connecting instead of comparing. Finding gratitude instead of griping. Will you join me?
