I first met Lindsay back in 2008. I had just given birth to my second child and was working as a traffic reporter for a local radio station. Lindsay was the morning show host on this station and I was envious of her career and the single woman life she was living. While she was wearing designer clothes and getting pedicures, I showed up to meetings with spit up on my shirt and bags under my eyes.
Fast forward to 2014. Lindsay had given birth to her first child, Lucy. From an outsiders point of view, I was impressed at her ability to juggle work and Motherhood. Inside, she was dying.
We ran into each other in the bathroom one day and when I asked her how things were going with being a new Mom her face told the story and then she said to me, “Did you ever have scary thoughts after you had your kids?” I paused and said “Well kind of. My daughter Jocelyn was super colicky and I felt like I didn’t bond with her for about the first year and a half.”
Lindsay responded with something that stopped me in my tracks. She said, “No, like have you ever thought about throwing your baby into the fire or leaving her in the snow?” I was stunned.
Was Lindsay a “bad Mom?” No. Lindsay was suffering from a postpartum mood disorder. Specifically postpartum anxiety. Lindsay would NEVER do these things, but having a newborn was so stressful that the unthinkable would pop into her mind and then she would have major anxiety over the fact that that thought had come into her brain.
Truth is that postpartum blues affect up to 80% of new mothers according to mentalhealthamerica.net, but hardly anyone talks about it.
Lindsay is doing a little better second time around. She just gave birth to her second child, a son named Oliver, three months ago. She says knowledge and medication has made all the difference.
To hear more of Lindsay’s story visit episode 3 of the “Not the Way I Planned” podcast or at kslmoms.com
