I have always been a planner. I guess it’s my attempt to control the universe and to calm my anxiety of the unknown. The problem is when my plans go awry I’m left feeling disappointed and like a total failure in life. Can you relate?
If you have a planner’s mindset, you know it can be upset by some of the most seemingly trivial things. You burn dinner, you get a flat tire on vacation, or you spill coffee on the shirt you were planning on wearing to an important meeting. Your brain is sent into a bit of a tailspin. Now imagine the upset when life throws you a real curve ball like cancer, or your husband leaves you for another woman, or your kid gets involved with drugs. All the fire alarms are going off!
It’s certainly not the the way you pictured your life. So how do you move forward and find happiness again?
- Always have a set of backup plans. If your barbeque gets rained out, have everything ready to make tacos inside instead. Pick out an alternate outfit in case you split your pants. I hate to say “plan for the worse” but being prepared for things to potentially go wrong will leave you less disappointed in the end and you can be easier on yourself.
What about the bigger things in life?
- The mindset I have to keep when the big storms hit is that no matter what life throws my way, there is so much that life can’t take from me. If I lose my job, they can’t take my degree and my skills away from me. Even if the absolute worst thing happens and I was to lose one of my children, no one can take away the experience I got to have in being a Mama. My memories, my knowledge, my love can’t go anywhere.
I put this to good work going through my divorce. Even if I couldn’t get my marriage back, I became grateful for the opportunity I had in life to be a wife. I treasure that picture perfect family of four that I had, but I haven’t allowed those precious memories to leave me stuck in my grief. I now have the opportunity to find new love, to be a better partner, and to create different memories that I would have never created on that other path.
- Don’t expect too much out of life. It took me a long time to succumb to the fact that just because I do the “right things” doesn’t mean I will get a promised result. Life is super messy, and just when you’ve tacked one challenge you will probably face another. Learn to ride the waves and stop telling yourself that you’ll be happy when you get through your troubles. You have to learn to be happy through the messy stuff because you have no idea what your next challenge may be.
Letting go of control is super hard when you’re a planner, but having this mindset has helped me find so much more joy and so much more gratitude in my everyday life.
