The first time I heard the word scoliosis I was 19. My back felt like it was on fire every single day. So, I went to the doctor. He told me that I had an “S” curve in my spine with the largest curve being 39 degrees. He said, “they don’t typically do surgery until a curve is 40 degrees and since you are fully grown, “I’d gain ten pounds and hope nobody notices.”
That was the worst medical advice I have ever received.
My spine slowly started to collapse after the birth of my second child. I was constantly in pain. (Pain I didn’t even quite comprehend until it was gone after my surgery.) My scoliosis also deflated my self-esteem. I didn’t know anyone with this problem besides my Mother. I felt so alone. I had a hump on the right side of my back that grew more pronounced if I bent over. My left ribs stuck out farther than my right and my breasts were uneven due to my deformed spine. I hated that word. Deformed. Such an ugly word that made me feel so unattractive.
I hated swimsuits, tight clothing, and I always insisted that people walk ahead of me so I could avoid them noticing my back.
My muscles were constantly working to hold my deteriorating spine up. At night I could only sleep on my left side. If I rolled over to my right side my ribs caved into my body and I could hardly breathe.
Surgery was set for October 30, 2014, and I was terrified right up to the moment that I entered the pre-op room and then a peace came over me like I have never felt before. I am not a really religious person, but I have no doubt that God and his angels were in that room.
Today I have perfect posture. I can’t round my back, and I will never be great at yoga, or be able to do a summersault, but I am free from pain and I am free from the mental hold that scoliosis had on me. I look in the mirror and I feel beautiful and strong for the first time in my life.
I am grateful for the challenge that scoliosis brought into my life. It made me more resilient and more importantly made me more grateful for the little things, like being able to stand up straight!
